Sugar and Salt Look The Same
On deception.
Appearances can be deceiving and even in our wisdom, we can lack the knowledge to capture deception we believe we have surpassed.
Sugar and Salt look exactly the same.
And even to the Le Cordon Bleu trained chief, looking at both too quickly can set him up to make a catastrophic mistake when making the entree of the day.
Sugar and Salt look exactly the same.
The people who hate you — love you first.
The typical assumption is that if someone hates you — they will make sure they let you know they do and it will be clear.
This cannot be further from the truth.
If anything, the people who hate you will often first start off as people who love you. Now whether this initial love was genuine, I cannot say, but nonetheless — it’s there.
But, it’s not there forever. And the sweetness soon turns into bitterness.
Sugar and Salt look exactly the same.
The people who hate you, love to be around you.
For access. control. information. knowledge.
They show up when you need them to. Provide grand gestures when the time is right. Stand by your side when you need someone to stand with you. They know the rhythm to your tune and dance along, with a dagger in their heart for you.
It’s no wonder then, when the tides turn and the temperature of the relationship changes — it catches you off guard.
The cake you were biting into now has a briny and saline taste — you are confounded. This is not what was initially served at your table.
Betrayal is not as predictable as we would like to think.
It doesn’t strike immediately. It is a calculated blow. That’s the whole point.
If the red flags are shown too soon then that would defeat it’s purpose.
In order to successfully betray someone, there has to be a level of undetectability.
So when the betrayal fully lands, it can land completely.
The line between sweetness and saltiness is crossed at a point you can’t recall.
And so now you reach for a glass of water to correct and dilute the saltiness that has been invited because you have a wake up call. Something has changed. Something doesn’t feel right. Everything needs a reset. To be washed away and baptized again — white as snow.
Your tastebuds are now sober and your mind is clear.
Time to leave the table and find another restaurant — because this place gives you taste aversion.
Betrayal trauma is something people don’t talk about often.
What it takes to reset yourself after you have been hijacked.
Betrayal is not just about the person who betrayed you. It’s about all the things you believed. All the things that you thought were true but weren’t. All the confidences you had that were dashed. All the vulnerabilities you gave and accepted, which were all a facade. The signs you didn’t know to see. The things you missed.
It’s about how you see yourself, the world, and people now. It’s about the hypervigilance. The detachment. The paranoia. The new set of glasses you carry to see the world. Nothing is the same. Your old language was softness — your new language is protection. A new layer of armor is worn to create a safe haven for yourself, and distance from others and the world.
And it takes time.
It takes time to transition from being hurt to being safe. From being closed to being open. Take all of it. Take all of the time.
But don’t stay stuck in time, because there will be a strawberry that still remains sweet. There will be a cheesecake that retains it’s flavor. And there will be a mango that doesn’t sour.
Sugar and Salt look exactly the same.
And the goal is not be perfect the trained eye to always avoid deception, without fail.
The goal is to know when to spit it out once it’s detected. So, have your glass of water ready.
Cheers — to more tasting of life.
Xoxo,
Victoria Achieng’
Beautifully written,
Cheers