The Polygamist
Jo........
Nothing makes me happier than watching African film, particularly South African, Kenyan, and Afro-French content. I used to be a lover of Nollywood, but these days the plots are consistently disappointing so I don’t waste my time.
The Polygamist, on Netflix, has been the hot topic discussion since it’s release date on June 12th. It’s only been three days yet everyone and their dog has already concluded this 22 part series (I really appreciated how long this was, shout out to the production team).
This will contain certain spoilers so this is where you bookmark the article to revisit when you are done.
Now, let’s get into it.
Theme One: Giving him a baby doesn’t give you much
Joyce. Matipa. Essie. Lindani.
The starting four.
Each of these women got pregnant by Jonasi, and, coincidentally, after their births — their relationship with him went downhill. His attention towards them faded and went to others, while they desperately made pitiful attempts to get his attention, which he pathetically ignored and laughed at. Now, Lindani’s pregnancy did not make it to the third trimester, but nonetheless, Jonasi’s treatment towards her during her miscarriage and postpartum were dismissive and nonchalant. Even when she was hurting, he was occupied with his other interests.
Many women believe that giving a man a child automatically elevates their position in his life and grants them some sort of honor, security, and respect.
Not necessarily. If you are going to risk engaging in activities that lead to pregnancy, only do that if you are prepared to carrying that child alone and are okay with it. If not, be wise and think strategically otherwise you will be devastated beyond repair.
Each of them had a traumatic postpartum period, in which Jonasi did not care to address. The tears, crying babies, and please for help did not move him. At. All.
Jonasi is representative of the typical, traditional African man navigating fatherhood. The mindset is that the woman is a breeder for his lineage (always with an anticipation of a male child), while his life remains largely uninterrupted because of his emotional and relational distance to the mother-and-child. Jonasi never stopped his goals because a child was in the picture. And if one of his women didn’t serve his needs, he simply pivoted and found someone more lively, available, and exciting to meet his needs without obstacles.
The new mothers, on the other hand, had to navigate attending to the ever changing and developing needs of the children independently, with allowances and housing accomodations being provided by Jonasi of course. Jonasi may have emotionally starved them, but he never failed to feed them financially. That was where his presence rested. And nobody ever refused his money.
Theme Two: Matipa had more leverage as a mistress than she did as a wife.
Matipa, Maptia, Matipa. How many times did I call you?
Matipa made the mistake of thinking that because her status changed from mistress to wife, she had gained something.
On the contrary, she didn’t gain much.
When she was serving as a mistress, she got more attention, money, lavish outings, and gifts than when she became a wife to Jonasi and a mother to his twins. She didn’t have too many complaints besides the fact that he was leaving his wife to marry her during this time. Well, when she got married to him, the amount of attention he gave her didn’t increase — it dipped.
If she thought she had problems before, she really had problems now.
Maybe if Matipa had twin boys instead of twin girls, she would have gotten more consideration. But, even that is iffy because Joyce had sons for Jonasi and that didn’t get her anywhere with him.
The same problems Jonasi gave Joyce because of his liaison with Matipa are the same problems Jonasi gave Matipa because of other women. And for some reason, Matipa was shocked that she was on the receiving end of Jonasi’s mistreatment.
Oh how life goes ‘round.
When you are dealing with men like Jonasi, it’s never a matter of if he will mistreat you, it’s a matter of when. Being clear about this helps reduce any delusions of being the “exception to the rule”. Plan accordingly and neeever think you are too special. They all did and it profited them not.
Theme Three: He only showed interest in the face of disinterest
If there is one thing Jonasi was going to do is ignore you if you wanted him and chase you when you didn’t.
When Joyce was fighting for her marriage (something that women are uniquely assigned to do, strange), Jonasi was everything but interested. She would go on these long speeches, crying, begging, pleading, all to be kicked like a rejected stray dog.
The more she begged, the more he didn’t care. And when she was served divorce papers, she pulled the one string he couldn’t ignore — a financial powermove that would affect his business endeavours.
Then he started listening. Because why? Money talks. Emotions are noise. To a man like Jonasi, you have to deal with him where the money is.
Because Joyce came from a wealthy and established family, she was able to leverage herself in ways the other women could not, because of their unimpressive financial backgrounds, unfortunately.
Power knows power.
Essie. Essie was always waiting for Jonasi to come around and she was always treated like his last resort. Honestly, I feel like she got the bitter end of the stick because she was with him when he had nothing. Joyce met him a bit later on when he was gaining some ground and traction at least, and he had separated himself from the townships. The only time she got his attention was when everyone else was ignoring him. Well, at least she had that two-story home of her dreams during her youth. She should have pushed for an upgrade at least. But again, she wasn’t in it “for the money”, so she was okay with her lifestyle not progressing and getting more than she could.
Matipa. Well.
Matipa had Jonasi by the balls when she was a mistress, as I mentioned earlier. And when she became more available to him as a wife, he didn’t care. He opted out of most things and didn’t lavish her as he did prior. The problem with Matipa is that she assumed his investment in her life was an indication of love, and a promise of a “happily ever after”. Wrong. She should have just stuck to dealing with him as a cash cow, and making investments in herself, her future, and her personal interests.
Once she decided she wanted more from Jonasi, that’s when she got less.
Oh Matipa. You could have played your cards better. You were so strategic in the beginning, but lost the plot when you fell in love. A common story that typically doesn’t pan out well, as we know.
Jonasi only wanted to be a husband when they wanted to stop being wives.
Emotionally unavailable men only respond positively to unavailability. Who would have thought?
Theme Three: Keeping the home breaks the children more than you know
All the children who are a byproduct of Jonasi, well, at least the ones that are old enough to capture what’s going on, are going to have long-term interpersonal challenges because of the sins of their father.
Mpume really felt the weight of betrayal in layered and diverse forms. First, her close friend Lindani is sleeping with her father, then she finds out her cousin is not her cousin but actually her sister. And there’s the twin sisters. Everyday she wakes up, she doesn’t know how many siblings she has because each time the door rings, who knows what news is arriving.
The scene that was devastating was the one where she wrote out her feelings to read in front of her father.
As she poured out her heart, crying, and begging to be seen and affirmed. Jonasi takes one look at her, grabs the remote, and increases the volume to buffer out her attempts for connection. It reached a point where he just tells her to put it next to her so that he can read it later. Still shocked, but hopeful, Mpume places her handwritten letter next to her father, even straightening it out and adjusting it in an attempt to make the letter more dignified and visible to her dad. As if to say, there is still a chance he can see me through this.
Jonasi probably used that letter as a scratch piece of paper.
Menzi.
Menzi. Menzi. Menzi.
You know what they say, a man who hates his father is on the path to be just like him.
Menzi never wanted to turn out to be like his dad, but he eventually ended up taking on his traits. The soft spoken Menzi who was shy around girls, became violent. Women that he initially valued, he objectified. Boundaries he was keen to respect, he now crossed like a hostile takeover. The places his father visited, he ended up spending time at as well.
The only emotion Menzi could express clearly, was rage.
A rage that was not unfamiliar to that Gomora household, displayed openly by mister Jonasi himself on multiple occasions and towards multiple people.
There is nobody in that house who didn’t feel the rage of Jonasi. Not a single soul.
Everyone was a disposable punching bag in his fits of rage. Everyone was always recovering from something Jonasi did to them.
Theme Four: Your pussy doesn’t have the superpowers you think it does
Across all ages. Body types. Educational backgrounds. Skin tones. Height. Weight. Mannerisms. Attitudes. One thing remains for certain.
Everyone got played by Jonasi Gomora.
The younger girls did not have an advantage that their youth supposedly was meant to give them when dealing with Jonasi. Lindani was left hanging on multiple occasions. Literally left bleeding and to bind her wounds all by herself. Matipa lost the plot once she became head over heels for him and had her all bank accounts frozen, making her beg for groceries and basic amenities like a pauper.
The older women did not get compensated or better respected for the amount of years, investment, and labor they put into their marriages, as one would assuming a long marriage affords someone with age. They were used when needed and discarded when not.
Everyone cried many nights because of Jonasi. Every vessel carrying a pussy that held Jonasi’s manhood got violated in some form or the other.
No matter the tricks, the tips, the curves, the positions… nobody’s pussy was special enough to make Jonasi Gomora do what they wanted him to, if he didn’t already want to do it. A man’s free will is stronger than any kegel exercise you can try do do to keep him and hold him in the wetness in-between your legs. You may be able to hold him tightly, but you won’t be able to hold him long.
Theme Five: Your family isn’t his family
The thing that gets me is that Magesh played second fiddle to Jonasi basically for most of his adult life. He forfeited his ability to start his own family during his youth to cover up for Jonasi’s second marriage, as an attempt to keep it from Joyce.
Everyone played pretend in front of Joyce.
When Jonasi’s delegation went to pay lobola for Essie, it was his family members who went wasn’t it? Which meant that this secret was only a secret to the outsider — Joyce. Now, I know you may be asking how is Joyce an outsider if she is married to Jonasi? I’m glad you asked. Well, in as much as Joyce is the wife — she is a family member by virtue of marriage, not blood. So there will always be a distance there. No matter what Jonasi does to Joyce, his family’s loyalty lies with Jonasi.
You know how they say marriage is not between two individuals, but between two families? This is not true, at least not fully.
This rule only applies to the bride to her husband’s side of the family. Not the other way ‘round. You don’t see Jonasi trying to integrate himself to Joyce’s family. Heck, you even see him misbehave around his mother-in-law. There is no fear there in the same way women are taught to fear their husband’s side of the family, especially in African contexts.
I’m not saying the husband’s family are always bad people. But, don’t expect them to be good to you in the ways you might assume.
The world contains plenty of Jonasi Gomoras.
Dads, brothers, friends, cousins, childhood classmates, boyfriends, husbands, and lovers make team of Jonasi Gomora today. They don’t live in a vacuum. They certainly are never isolated. And they always do the same misbehavior repeatedly, because their success rate is historically high and their decisions remain unchallenged.
This film was a treat to watch. And I can’t wait to read more work by Sue Nyathi, who is the author of the original book this movie is based on.
Xoxo,
Victoria Achieng.
You write so beautifully, girlie. Because of you, I'd go watch this movie. Women need to wisen up!
(Jst a discussion question if u don’t mind) Why did Jonas, go back to marry Essie?, why did he treat her like that?, is it maybe part of the reason that he didn’t grew up with loving parents(mom) and Essie reminded him of something close to a parent, the love she gave her when she didn’t have anything, which is why he loved her so much, but also hated to the township part of her, which reminded him of all the hardships he had growing up